We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
