I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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