she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
