i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
