those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
