OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
