don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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