Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
