just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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