he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
