No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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