hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Randomize
