are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
