Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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