i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
