he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
