You're completely useless in the revolution.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
