1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
