I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Dignity is for republicans.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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