So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
