I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
