Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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