I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
