Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
