Just fell off a train. Bad.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
