Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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