He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
people are starting to question the shark bite story
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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