I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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