I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
