were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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