If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
