If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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