there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Randomize
