just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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