Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
did i just pee glitter
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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