i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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