Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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