i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
