if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
