So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
