I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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