the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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