Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
