Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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