We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
