Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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