Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
