The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
