I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Congratulations! We have a period
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