would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
